What should you do when you want to move but the person you love is opposed to the idea of moving? What can you do?
Luckily, there are several steps you can take to reach a decision that everyone will be happy with.
Wait for the right time to discuss the issue
Like so many things in life, timing can be everything
The sooner you sit down and speak your mind, the better it will be for everyone.
Leave the discussion for a time when you’re both calm, rested, and NOT stressed out for any reason.
Approach the subject when you’re both in relatively good moods.
Choose a time when it is just the two of you – it’s a private, personal discussion that does not concern third parties in any way.
Do NOT bring up the issue when there are other people around – if you do, your partner will likely become defensive and you won’t be able to get your message across.
The more thought and preparation you put into your reasons to move, the easier it will be to convince your partner.
Before you sit down with your partner and try to work out a mutually beneficial solution, there are some steps that will make your case for wanting to move more compelling.
Do your homework in advance so that you can back up your arguments with solid facts and present your case in a reasonable and credible way.
Determine why moving to the new area will be beneficial for you both.
Highlight why the move will be advantageous for your partner in particular.
Focus on what benefits he or she will get as a result of the move and be as specific as possible.
Whenever possible, avoid using the “I” pronoun too often, and speak about all the great things that “we” and “you” will gain from the house move.
It’s a good idea to write down all the major points from your research so that when that discussion time comes, you can start the conversation totally prepared and sound confident when expressing your thoughts and the main reasons for wanting to move.
You may also like to read: The Benefits of Moving Home. In this guide, we list 10 benefits of moving home that you may be able to use when pitching your reasons why moving is such a great idea.
Talk about the pros of moving
Highlight the pros for everyone affected by the move
The best way to convince your spouse or partner to move is to talk openly about the move. Be completely honest with each other about your feelings, desires, worries, and fears.
By doing so, it’ll be much easier for both parties to see the bigger picture and find a working solution together.
Talk about the clear advantages that the move will or is likely to bring into your lives:
more financial stability,
better job opportunities or career advancement,
lower cost of living,
favorable housing options,
safer neighborhoods,
better schools for the kids,
a more pleasant and healthier climate.
If you and your partner have shared dreams or long-term goals, talk about how the move can help you turn those dreams into reality or enable you to achieve the goals faster and easier.
Listening is one of the most powerful communication tools we have
In order to convince your partner to move with you, you also have to hear out their version of the story. Really listen to what they have to say in order to try to understand why they don’t wish to move.
If your spouse or partner remains bitterly opposed to the idea of moving to another state or even moving to another country, then you have to let them voice their reasons.
And while listening attentively to your sweetheart without interrupting or arguing, you’ll also need to stay open-minded in order to recognize any possible disadvantages of moving that you may have missed.
Your willingness to recognize that moving can also have certain drawbacks will show your spouse that you’re listening to them and are trying to understand their reasons for wanting to stay.
Often, it’s that extra effort from you that will open the door to a discussion that may pave the road to a compromise that will work well for both of you.
You may also like to read: How to Move Home Cheaply. Often, the cost of moving is raised as a reason not to move by an unwilling partner. In this guide, we suggest ways to reduce your moving costs so that you can head off this objection.
Place yourself in your partner’s position
Empathy (your capacity to understand or feel what your loved one is experiencing, to put yourself in their position) is a useful tool when trying to convince your partner to move.
Make a genuine effort to look at the issue through your partner’s eyes to understand why they are so opposed to the move.
It can be really hard to empathize, especially when you strongly feel that you’re right and the other person is wrong (from your point of view). But you must try to show empathy nonetheless, thus proving that you’re not selfish, or at least not as selfish as your partner may think you are.
Show your significant other that you understand them and know how they feel – that’s the building block that will help you come up with a solution that will be beneficial for you both.
Figure out who’s sacrificing what
A little give and take can result in a decision you are both happy with
Often, to make a relationship work, sacrifice is inevitable.
However, sacrifice is not easy, even when you know that it’s the right thing to do.
When you want to move but your spouse doesn’t, then one of you will have to give up what they want. The problem is… who’s it going to be?
Ideally, both sides should make sacrifices. It won’t really work if only one person gives up and gives in, that is often the road to unhappiness and resentment.
You may also like to read: How Much Does it Cost to Hire Packers? Another often-cited objection to moving is the packing that is required. You can head off this objection but using professional packers. They will make the move so much easier and represent excellent value for money.
Try to reach a compromise
Compromising is often the best way to reach a decision that you are both comfortable about.
Compromise is often the road to both parties being happy.
It may be that a temporary move, a sort of trial period of say a year, to determine whether or not the move has been a great idea from the start, is the way to go.
Consider renting out your current place and moving to the new city.
Hopefully, your partner will be willing to try out that idea and, at the end of the trial period, will be convinced of all the great things that the move has introduced in your life together.
However, if your partner still doesn’t feel right about it all after spending months in the new area, then you should seriously consider moving back to your old place as part of the original deal and mutual compromise.
You may also like to read: Tips for Moving to Temporary Housing. If the temporary move is a suggestion that you want to put forward to your partner, then you will find this guide invaluable.
Promise your partner a stress-free move
Leave the move to the professionals so that you can concentrate on having the best start to your new life.
If the moving process is what really worries and frightens your partner, then you can allay that fear by demonstrating that you have done your research into the easiest way to move home, which is usually by hiring full-service movers.
Whilst the movers take care of the logistics, as well as all the stress and hard work associated with your move, you can plan with your partner your amazing new life.
You may also like to read: How to Choose a Moving Company in 31.5 Steps. To ensure that you find the most reliable movers for your relocation, be sure to check out this guide, which makes the process of choosing movers so much easier.
If you are still struggling to allay your partner’s fears about moving, be sure to visit our home moving blog, which is packed with tips on every aspect of moving home. It is more than likely that the answer to resolving their worries is in our library of articles.
We hope these tips have been useful, and if you need any help convincing your partner to move, why not drop a comment below, and one of our community members may be able to help with a suggestion or two.
I’m actually in the midst of this as I type. We made 3 major moves in my life growing up and I remember my father used some of these techniques you mentioned above. I was just thinking about this as I read your suggestions. Sometimes I forget the internet provides a source of information that can help guide me (something my father didn’t have)
How about breaking up? I moved for my partner to a place I hated. A divorce would have been better then. I left her 5 years later anyway. Life is too short to be unhappy. Breaking up can be freeing.
Completely agree. It was my husband’s idea (my feelings did not count) to buy a property in Florida. It was his idea to “snowbird” at that location for 6 months. He also stated that his decision to move there permanently was final. As for me, the place makes me feel miserable and depressed. My only option at this time is either separation, or divorce.
My boyfriend moved out the other day and I really miss him and I wanna ask him to move back in but I don’t know how to ask him without upsetting him, what should I do?
This is so hard. I desperately want to move. I hate where I am. You only live once and I am miserable here. I love my husband. He is close with his elderly parents and we need to stay here till they are gone. By that time I will be way older and not as active for adventure. I can’t take him away from his parents, i can’t leave. I have thought about antidepressants. The place I live in is drury, the climate is too cold for my liking and there is NOTHING to do here but eat, watch tv and drink alcohol. I’m trying to hold on.
Hi Mary, I truly feel for you as I am stuck in a similar situation and do take antidepressants as well as cortisone tablets, the strongest allergy tablets on the market, cortisone and salt nose spray, nose rinses and humidifiers just to try to manage my body’s inability to cope with the climate here. (I won’t even go into how my soul feels about it.) I have no medical insurance so this all comes out of my own pocket. I still hate this place (my birth city but I’ve lived in much better places for me so I know I have grounds for yearning to leave). There is no easy solution for what you are living. Please know that you are not alone in your situation, and it doesn’t matter how “privileged” or *fortunate” outsiders think you are because they do not have to live your reality. I wish for you what I wish for myself, which is that a previously closed door will open or that a door we had not yet noticed will reveal itself to us. Yours in solidarity.
I’d really like to know what you decided. I’m in Minnesota and my husband of 6 years made it clear we will not move until his parents are gone. He now says he will not up and move when they are gone because it’s not fair to his brother who is right down the road. I feel like packing up and leaving.
I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I built a life here in my hometown. I had family and friends, a favorite coffee shop, and a favorite local pub. But then came the job offer. A really good offer. It was in another state that I had never been to before. I wanted to move and build my career. But my partner insisted on giving up the job and not moving. We argued for days but eventually came to the decision that we split up. So I moved on my own with the help of a moving company. It was a difficult decision, but I knew it was the best for my future.
Dealing with this holes in the roof broken garage dirty floors shooting at night but my boyfriend wants to stay because it’s his moms house and we pay here 675 a month. He says if we move rent will go up and we won’t ha e money for vacation I could give whoot!! I have three kids that need more out of a home! He told me good luck getting a place I want to leave today! He won’t fix anything and also doesn not have enough money to buy a car but is using my car for his jobs! All his family pops up when they want I’m over it I want us to work but I’m the only one sacrificing
33 years with my husband, who placates me regarding buying a new bigger house. But never really wanted to. We live in the house we started out in. Very small. Now with kids grown, married and having babies, we really need a bigger place now. 33 years I’ve harped. And we only ever did what he wanted. I feel disrespected, feelings and needs ignored and minimized. I should’ve left but I’m too chicken.
I’ve (26f) been with my current partner (27m) for almost two years, he moved me in to his parents house. I’ve never lived with a guy and his parents, and it’s not exactly ideal. Last month we took a trip down to California, my first time, to visit my best friend. I’ve been dreaming of the California coast for years and fell in love once I got there. It’s beautiful, a lot of the buildings are Victorian style and ornate. It’s a small town with no corporate businesses, lots of local farming, warmer than my gritty rainy hometown in WA. Everything I want. The apartment next door to my best friend opened up, since then I’ve been applying for work. I talked to her landlord, she wants to meet irl. I have 2 solid job interviews set as soon as I get back to that county, maybe 3 in just a few days worth of applying. I told my boyfriend a couple weeks ago that I want to move to California and he said Anywhere else but there. He suggested Idaho. His room has became cramped with our things, we’ve talked about marriage and children so I don’t understand the rejection to moving. He’s not happy in his parents house and believes moving to CA is an unobtainable goal, even afer witnessing all of the hiring signs, brand new businesses and the growing number of companies interested in me. I’m ready to go, now. He’s worked at the same place for a few years and hasn’t moved up much at all, they take advantage of him for physical labor like fixing the roof vs Hiring a roofer, not making the sales associate climb onto the roof. I originally shot to move by Spring 2025 but I can’t wait that long. I’m ready now. My hometown is falling apart around me and it’s breaking my heart to watch. I need to leave. Any advice appreciated. ♡
My husband insists where he wants to move is cheaper than here. It is not. He believes we can find work, yet it’s got a high level of unemployment. He thinks he will get out and exercise more. It’s too hot most of the year to do that. He thinks moving across the Pacific will be affordable. I tell him moving one pound will cost $3.06. That’s about $13,000 weight of 4500 lbs. of furniture, tools, music equipment. I’m planning to work into my 70s after we spend most of our retirement on his dream house and have little left for aging care. He wants to play rock n roll. Money is not everything so that’s my consolation. Keeping up with my own expenses, and enjoying each day of life, thanking God for blessings, that’s beautiful. He is happy to have his big dream fulfilled- we have separate goals and he sees that I can take care of myself very well. We will have lived his big dream, and will look back on it, who knows, together? Thanks for all the past comments, they gave me resolve.
We are from northern Wyoming, married 29 years. For years I wasn’t happy here, winters are awful, small town no shopping. Lots of wind. For a few years I wasn’t happy and wanted to move to Hawaii. Something in me said that’s where we needed to go! My husband finally felt the same so off we went with our two daughters. I loooooved living in Kona! Perfect size, obviously weather was awesome and lots of fun things to do. My job was amazing there as well and my DDS treated me very well and compensated me (I’m a registered Dental Hygienist. Well about two years into the move my husband wasn’t happy there. Long story short both girls are older and out of school and we moved back to Wyoming 3 months ago, back to our same town. I’m not happy about the move, at all. While I’m happy that my girls are thriving as they also wanted to come back, I am sad. There are no job prospects for me here and I want to go back to Kona terribly bad. It is so hard not to be angry and resentful towards my husband. I left a beautiful house that we bought, a wonderful job, in a wonderful area that I loved and it’s hard and I’ve been struggling.
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It is better that you both decide on your move and thanks for sharing this information with us.
Thanks, Josh.
I’m actually in the midst of this as I type. We made 3 major moves in my life growing up and I remember my father used some of these techniques you mentioned above. I was just thinking about this as I read your suggestions. Sometimes I forget the internet provides a source of information that can help guide me (something my father didn’t have)
How about breaking up? I moved for my partner to a place I hated. A divorce would have been better then. I left her 5 years later anyway. Life is too short to be unhappy. Breaking up can be freeing.
Completely agree. It was my husband’s idea (my feelings did not count) to buy a property in Florida. It was his idea to “snowbird” at that location for 6 months. He also stated that his decision to move there permanently was final. As for me, the place makes me feel miserable and depressed. My only option at this time is either separation, or divorce.
Glinda – what did you end up deciding?
I’m in an awful situation.
My boyfriend moved out the other day and I really miss him and I wanna ask him to move back in but I don’t know how to ask him without upsetting him, what should I do?
This is so hard. I desperately want to move. I hate where I am. You only live once and I am miserable here. I love my husband. He is close with his elderly parents and we need to stay here till they are gone. By that time I will be way older and not as active for adventure. I can’t take him away from his parents, i can’t leave. I have thought about antidepressants. The place I live in is drury, the climate is too cold for my liking and there is NOTHING to do here but eat, watch tv and drink alcohol. I’m trying to hold on.
Hi Mary, I truly feel for you as I am stuck in a similar situation and do take antidepressants as well as cortisone tablets, the strongest allergy tablets on the market, cortisone and salt nose spray, nose rinses and humidifiers just to try to manage my body’s inability to cope with the climate here. (I won’t even go into how my soul feels about it.) I have no medical insurance so this all comes out of my own pocket. I still hate this place (my birth city but I’ve lived in much better places for me so I know I have grounds for yearning to leave). There is no easy solution for what you are living. Please know that you are not alone in your situation, and it doesn’t matter how “privileged” or *fortunate” outsiders think you are because they do not have to live your reality. I wish for you what I wish for myself, which is that a previously closed door will open or that a door we had not yet noticed will reveal itself to us. Yours in solidarity.
I’d really like to know what you decided. I’m in Minnesota and my husband of 6 years made it clear we will not move until his parents are gone. He now says he will not up and move when they are gone because it’s not fair to his brother who is right down the road. I feel like packing up and leaving.
I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I built a life here in my hometown. I had family and friends, a favorite coffee shop, and a favorite local pub. But then came the job offer. A really good offer. It was in another state that I had never been to before. I wanted to move and build my career. But my partner insisted on giving up the job and not moving. We argued for days but eventually came to the decision that we split up. So I moved on my own with the help of a moving company. It was a difficult decision, but I knew it was the best for my future.
Dealing with this holes in the roof broken garage dirty floors shooting at night but my boyfriend wants to stay because it’s his moms house and we pay here 675 a month. He says if we move rent will go up and we won’t ha e money for vacation I could give whoot!! I have three kids that need more out of a home! He told me good luck getting a place I want to leave today! He won’t fix anything and also doesn not have enough money to buy a car but is using my car for his jobs! All his family pops up when they want I’m over it I want us to work but I’m the only one sacrificing
33 years with my husband, who placates me regarding buying a new bigger house. But never really wanted to. We live in the house we started out in. Very small. Now with kids grown, married and having babies, we really need a bigger place now. 33 years I’ve harped. And we only ever did what he wanted. I feel disrespected, feelings and needs ignored and minimized. I should’ve left but I’m too chicken.
I’ve (26f) been with my current partner (27m) for almost two years, he moved me in to his parents house. I’ve never lived with a guy and his parents, and it’s not exactly ideal. Last month we took a trip down to California, my first time, to visit my best friend. I’ve been dreaming of the California coast for years and fell in love once I got there. It’s beautiful, a lot of the buildings are Victorian style and ornate. It’s a small town with no corporate businesses, lots of local farming, warmer than my gritty rainy hometown in WA. Everything I want. The apartment next door to my best friend opened up, since then I’ve been applying for work. I talked to her landlord, she wants to meet irl. I have 2 solid job interviews set as soon as I get back to that county, maybe 3 in just a few days worth of applying. I told my boyfriend a couple weeks ago that I want to move to California and he said Anywhere else but there. He suggested Idaho. His room has became cramped with our things, we’ve talked about marriage and children so I don’t understand the rejection to moving. He’s not happy in his parents house and believes moving to CA is an unobtainable goal, even afer witnessing all of the hiring signs, brand new businesses and the growing number of companies interested in me. I’m ready to go, now. He’s worked at the same place for a few years and hasn’t moved up much at all, they take advantage of him for physical labor like fixing the roof vs Hiring a roofer, not making the sales associate climb onto the roof. I originally shot to move by Spring 2025 but I can’t wait that long. I’m ready now. My hometown is falling apart around me and it’s breaking my heart to watch. I need to leave. Any advice appreciated. ♡
Move now, you won’t regret it!
Move out. Your desire for a better life will ease the pain. Something in you says this is it, listen to your gut.
My husband insists where he wants to move is cheaper than here. It is not. He believes we can find work, yet it’s got a high level of unemployment. He thinks he will get out and exercise more. It’s too hot most of the year to do that. He thinks moving across the Pacific will be affordable. I tell him moving one pound will cost $3.06. That’s about $13,000 weight of 4500 lbs. of furniture, tools, music equipment. I’m planning to work into my 70s after we spend most of our retirement on his dream house and have little left for aging care. He wants to play rock n roll. Money is not everything so that’s my consolation. Keeping up with my own expenses, and enjoying each day of life, thanking God for blessings, that’s beautiful. He is happy to have his big dream fulfilled- we have separate goals and he sees that I can take care of myself very well. We will have lived his big dream, and will look back on it, who knows, together? Thanks for all the past comments, they gave me resolve.
We are from northern Wyoming, married 29 years. For years I wasn’t happy here, winters are awful, small town no shopping. Lots of wind. For a few years I wasn’t happy and wanted to move to Hawaii. Something in me said that’s where we needed to go! My husband finally felt the same so off we went with our two daughters. I loooooved living in Kona! Perfect size, obviously weather was awesome and lots of fun things to do. My job was amazing there as well and my DDS treated me very well and compensated me (I’m a registered Dental Hygienist. Well about two years into the move my husband wasn’t happy there. Long story short both girls are older and out of school and we moved back to Wyoming 3 months ago, back to our same town. I’m not happy about the move, at all. While I’m happy that my girls are thriving as they also wanted to come back, I am sad. There are no job prospects for me here and I want to go back to Kona terribly bad. It is so hard not to be angry and resentful towards my husband. I left a beautiful house that we bought, a wonderful job, in a wonderful area that I loved and it’s hard and I’ve been struggling.