Moving in With a Roommate – Things to Discuss, Questions to Ask, and Logistics to Follow

Whether you’re moving out of your parents’ house for the first time, moving away after college, or moving to a new city alone, living on your own can be rather expensive. And since the rent and bills are likely to be your biggest expenses, you’ll probably be looking for a way to cut them down.

Moving in with a roommate is a good solution – it will allow you to cut your rent in half – but you need to find someone you can easily live with. The best scenario is to move in with a friend or a likable acquaintance, but that isn’t always possible – oftentimes, your only option is to live with a stranger. And in such a case, you need to be sure that this stranger is a reliable person you can get along with.

Here are some insightful tips for moving in with a roommate you don’t know that will help you find the right match for you and ensure your smooth, safe, and enjoyable roommate living experience.

What to Know Before Moving in With a Roommate

Living with roommates has its upsides and downsides – you can save on your rental bill and utility costs, but you need to make compromises and comply with certain rules; you’re less lonely, but you have less privacy; etc. It may be great to live with friends, but it may turn that your friends’ living habits frustrate and irritate you. And the challenges are even bigger when you’re moving in with random roommates – people you don’t know and can’t yet trust.

So, before you decide to share your living space with someone else – especially if that someone is a total stranger – you need to be well aware of what you’re getting yourself into:

• Best friends may not be best roommates – When you live with a friend, you’ll be able to not only share rent payments and utility bills, but also to help and support each other. You’ll enjoy each other’s company, will be able to count on each other, and will have a lot of fun together. Yet, living in close quarters with a friend can easily lead to awkward situations – or even serious problems – that can put a strain on your friendship. It may turn out your BFF is not the person you thought them to be – or even if they’re, you may still not be able to cohabit happily (See also: Moving in with friends);
• A roommate does not necessarily mean a friend – Your new roommate may be a nice, responsible person. You may agree on everything related to your shared living situation – finances, rules, chores, etc. Yet you may never become friends – you may not like the same things, may not have the same interests, may not want to open up to each other, etc. Besides, one of you may simply not be looking for a friend – just for someone to split the rent with;

• A background check is a must – If you’re moving in with a roommate you don’t know, you need to be sure that you’re dealing with an honest and dependable person who doesn’t have problems with the law. Run a criminal background check, do a credit check, and ask for references – better to be safe than sorry;
• It’s wise to have a written roommate agreement – Once you have found a good fit and agreed on the various aspects of living under one roof (see below), you’re advised to put it all in writing – sign a roommate agreement that documents everything you have settled on (payments, chores, quiet hours, overnight guests, etc.). A written contract, even if it is not strictly legally binding, will make everyone take their responsibilities more seriously and will help prevent misunderstandings. It will also come very handy in case of conflicts;
• The person who signs the lease holds all the responsibility – Some rental agreements allow two people to put their names on the lease, others require that only one person signs the contract – and the one who signs the lease is held responsible for paying the rent and keeping the apartment in a good condition. So, if the rental agreement is in your name, all the responsibility is yours.

If you’re up to the challenge and believe you can successfully deal with the risks, perks, and quirks of living with a roommate, it’s time to start looking for the right person to share your living space with.

How to Find a Roommate

So, you’ve decided to get a roommate – the only question is how to find a good roommate.

Reach out to your social circle

Your first step when looking for a roommate is to reach out to your network – tell family, friends, co-workers, and everyone else you know about your “roomie search”, provide them with all the relevant information (where you want to live (city, neighborhood, area), how much space you need (are you willing to share a single room with another person, do you want a separate bedroom, should there be a guest room, etc.), how soon you want to move in, how long you plan to stay there (for years or just for a few months), what your requirements are, etc.), and ask them to spread the word.

Be sure to post your roommate request on your Facebook page and don’t forget about your college alumni networks either.

It may turn out that an acquaintance, or an acquaintance of an acquaintance, is looking for a roommate in your desired area – you never know.

Search for a roommate online

If you don’t find a roomie within your social network, you can try the global networks. Nowadays, there are many websites that can help you find the right roommate – just create a profile in Diggz, RoomieMatch, Roommates, or another specialized roommate finder site and you’ll receive potential matches. Depending on the site, you may be able to browse through other users’ profiles, view behavior ratings, check out a person’s habits and preferences, etc.

What’s more, you can always post an ad for a roommate in Craigslist, NextDoor, and other similar websites.

Bonus tip: Before you make an ad for a roommate, decide on your essential requirements and deal-breakers – what you need (quiet time after 10 p.m., a pet-friendly person, etc.) and what you will not accept (smoking in the house, mid-week parties, etc.). Include these requirements in your ad, so you don’t waste your time talking to people you can’t possibly live with.

Put out an ad

Finding the right person to share your living space with is most difficult when you’ve just moved to a new area where you don’t know anyone. In such a case, the Internet is your best bet – searching for a roomie online (as described above) is easy and the chances to find a good match that way are quite high. 

Your next best option when wondering how to find a roommate in a new city is to place an ad on a local community bulletin board (stores, coffee shops, restaurants, libraries, and other public places often have space for community postings like lost and found pets, garage sales, roommate listings, etc. – you can place your ad there and look at other “roommate wanted” postings). Make sure you include all the important information in your ad – exact address, size and type of the apartment/house, amount of the rent, terms of the lease, a description of yourself, your requirements and preferences, etc.

The more ways to find a roommate you try, the more potential candidates you’ll reach and the sooner you’ll find the right fit for you.

Call potential roommates

Review all the emails and messages you get from potential candidates and create a short-list of people who seem to suit your requirements.

Call these prospective roommates – speaking to someone over the phone will give you some idea of the person (the way they talk – the tone of their speech, the phrases they use, etc. – will reveal a lot about their character, education, and attitude) and will allow you to ask them some essential questions so you learn a bit more about them.

Assess the candidates and further research those you like at first impression.

Check the social media

Social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, etc. – can reveal a lot about a person, including their habits and preferences. So, before deciding on a roommate, be sure to check their online presence – you won’t learn everything about them from their social media profiles, of course, but you will definitely get a better feel for them.

Once you have singled out three or four potential roomies who seem to be a good match for you, look them up in social networking websites – type their name in the search bar and filter the results by city, work, etc. Check everything – from status updates and media posts to photos and comments. You’ll find out what the person likes, what they’re interested in, what kind of activities they habitually engage in, etc. and will know if they are a good fit.

Call references

Finally, make sure you call the potential roommates’ references – previous roommates and landlords, employer, family, etc. – to see what they have to say about the person you consider living under the same roof with.

Meet prospective roommates

After your screening calls and social media checks, you’ll have a good idea of who might be the right roommate for you. All that is left to do is meet that person and discuss things at length. Rendezvous at a local coffee shop or park and take your time talking about it all – from rent payments and household chores to personal quirks and passions.

Things to Discuss Before Moving in With a Roommate

While you don’t need your new roommate to be your new best friend, you do need to feel safe and comfortable living with them – so your personalities must be at least somewhat compatible. And you two need to be on the same page – about everything.

To ensure this, you need to discuss – and come to an agreement on – a number of important things:

1) Finances

First things first, you need to make sure that your roommate can come up with the necessary cash to pay their share of the rent and utility bills every month. It is best if they’re gainfully employed – if they’re not, you need to know if they have some other guaranteed way of getting the requisite money by the time bills are due. It may be a good idea to ask for a credit report – it will tell you how your potential roommate has paid bills in the past, how much debt they currently have, and if a landlord or another roommate has ever filed a claim against them.

Once that is settled, you need to decide how you’re going to split the rent and the bills for utilities and household services. An even split is usually the best solution, but depending on the sizes and amenities of the different rooms, as well as on each roommate’s personal preferences (you may want premium channels and your roomie may not), you can come to a different arrangement – what matters is that you both feel the split is fair.

Then, you need to establish how the bills will be paid each month, whose name will be on the contracts (as that person will be held responsible for paying the entire bill), and by what date the other roommate will have to pay their portion back to the person responsible for the payments (the same day, the previous day, within the week). It is also crucial to discuss what will happen if one of you doesn’t pay their share in time.

Last but not least, decide if you will shop separately or will share the costs of groceries and some other household items (like dishwashing liquid and toilet paper).

2) Cleaning

Everyone’s definition of “clean” is different and everybody has a different “threshold of cleanliness”. No matter whether you’re super neat or a bit messy (or very messy), conflicts are likely to arise if your level of cleanliness is not on par with your roommate’s.

While the cleanness of one’s own bedroom is their own business, you and your roomie need to set clear standards about common areas such as the bathroom, kitchen, and living room – decide how often you’ll clean the bathroom, how long dirty dishes can stay in the sink, etc.

Then, decide who will do what – Will you take turns cleaning the bathroom? Will everyone clean after themselves in the kitchen? Who will take out the trash? Who will clean the floors?

Make a cleaning schedule and agree on how to split the chores – you can either take turns or choose specific tasks each of you will be responsible for.

3) Daily schedules

Whether you start work early in the morning, work from home, or do not get back until the small hours, you don’t need your roommate to have the exact same daily routine. Yet, you need them not to mess up your schedule too much – you will not like it if you need to get up at 5:30 a.m. and your roomie returns home after midnight and turns on the TV.

So, talk with your potential roommate about your schedules, your needs, and your preferences – when your workday starts and finishes (so you both know when the other person needs to get up and leave and when they’re likely to return), how long it takes you to get ready for the day (so that you don’t make each other late for work), what early-morning and late-night habits you have, whether one of you is likely to spend most of the day at home, etc.

You need to coordinate your daily schedules so that they don’t clash and you’re both comfortable in your shared home.

4) Common areas

When living with a roommate, you’ll most likely be sharing the kitchen and the living room and, oftentimes, the bathroom too. You need to figure out how you’re going to use these common areas so you both feel comfortable there – and so you avoid embarrassing, frustrating, and/or annoying situations:

• Decide how often you will clean the shared areas (as discussed above), what you can and cannot keep there (no clutter in the living room, no dirty laundry in the bathroom, etc.), what you can and cannot do there (no smoking inside, no walking around naked, etc.). If you both like to cook, for example, you’ll need to schedule your meal preparation and cleanup time to avoid clashing over the use of kitchen accessories;
• Decide how to allocate the storage space – who has the right to what closets, cabinets, and shelves, what larger personal items you can keep in the common areas, etc.;
• Talk about how you’re going to decorate the shared areas (plants, photos, artwork, overall style, etc.) and whether you need to consult each other before bringing something new to the space. To be able to feel at home in your shared house or apartment, you need to settle on mutually agreeable décor; 
• Discuss temperatures – Different people feel comfortable at different indoor temperatures (and the thermostat settings affect the utility bills), so this is quite an important consideration – especially if bedroom temperatures can’t be adjusted independently from the rest of the house.

5) Sharing

Household items in common spaces are available for use by all roommates, but you need to determine exactly how to share them – will each of you use separate kitchen cabinets and separate shelves in the refrigerator and the pantry, will you schedule the use of household appliances like the dishwasher and washing machine, etc.

You also need to decide whether you’d like to share certain items like the iron and the vacuum cleaner or each of you will bring and use their own devices and equipment.

Once you’ve agreed on the use of communal items, it’s time to talk about how you feel about sharing personal items. Will it be fine if your roomie uses your computer while you aren’t home or drinks from your favorite mug? Will you be cool with them using your makeup, hair products, and perfumes? Can they borrow clothes and accessories? You need to set clear rules – or just ask for permission every time before borrowing something from the other person – in order to prevent misunderstandings and consequent resentments.

Lastly (but likely most importantly), you need to talk about sharing food – decide whether you will go grocery shopping together or separately, if you’ll share the food or everyone will eat and drink only what they have bought, if you’ll share all the groceries or just some items like cooking oil and split the cost of those items, etc. What will work best for you and your roommate depends on your diets (healthy foods, fancy foods, health restrictions, allergies, avoidance of certain types of foods because of religious believes, principles, or fitness goals, etc.), lifestyles (one person may prefer to cook at home, the other may prefer to eat out every night), and personal preferences.

6) Lifestyle choices

Lifestyle choices must be addressed in advance as there may be things one of you disagrees with or doesn’t want going on in your shared home. Be sure to discuss:

• Smoking and/or vaping inside, as well as general philosophies on drugs. If you don’t smoke, but don’t mind sharing an apartment with a smoker, talk about where smoking is permissible (first, check if your lease allows or prohibits smoking indoors). If you smoke at home, be sure to tell your potential roommate right away;
• Drinking – Some people are averse to alcohol consumption and others drink a lot. You and your prospective roommate need to discuss where you stand on alcohol and whether drinking in the house will be an issue;
• Noise – You need to not only set your quite time, but also discuss your noise tolerance in general. Some people find the sound of a television comforting, even if they’re not watching – others find it irritating. Some people like to listen to music all the time – others prefer a quiet environment. Some people like to turn the speakers at maximum volume – others can’ stand loud noises. You may need to make certain compromises – get a pair of earplugs, listen to music only through headphones, etc. – to ensure everyone’s comfort;

• Parties – Everybody likes to party, but not at any time and under any circumstances. You and your potential roommate need to talk about how often (and on what days) you can have parties in your shared apartment, how large and how wild these parties can be, how long they can last, who will clean afterwards, etc. Also, agree to always tell each other before you plan an event in your shared home.

7) Visitors

It’s only natural that both you and your roommate will have friends and relatives over from time to time, but your need to come to an agreement on how often people can visit (the other person may not feel comfortable having strangers in the house every day), when they can visit (mid-week guests may be a nuisance), and how long they can stay (someone “crashing for a while” may be quite a problem). Talk about whether it’s OK to invite someone without warning the other roommate, how much advance notice you should give when guests are coming over, who can stay in your shared apartment when one of you is out of town, etc.

If either of you has a significant other, they will likely be spending a lot of time at your shared place – you need to know if the other roommate is cool with it. And you need to discuss how long that significant other can stay – if they’re over all the time, it can be like having a third roommate who doesn’t share the responsibility of paying rent and utilities.

8) Pets

Whether you love animals or not, you and your roommate must be on the same page about pets. Check if your apartment building has pet restrictions and talk about how you feel about having an animal in your shared home.

If one of you has a pet, make sure the other person is OK with it and is not allergic to that type of animal. Discuss where in the house the pet will be allowed to be and if the other roommate would be comfortable taking care of them when the owner is out of town.

Even if neither of you has a pet, you still need to discuss the topic, as the possibility for adoption may arise at a later point in time. Talk about whether you want pets or not, how you feel about sheltering stray dogs and cats, what types of animals you don’t mind having around and which ones you would never agree on living in your home, whether you’re allergic to some kinds of animals, etc.

9) Handling of disagreements and conflicts

Finally, talk about the way you’re going to address problems and handle conflicts. Will you have weekly/monthly meetings to discuss issues? Will you tell the other person immediately if something is bothering you? Do you like to be direct? Would you rather express your concerns and frustrations in writing?

You need to have a strategy in place for dealing with potential problems and uncomfortable situations – and you need to keep the lines of communication open. It is of crucial importance for living peacefully and comfortably with a roommate.

Now that you know the most important things to consider when moving in with a roommate, it will be much easier to ensure a peaceful and comfortable roommate living situation – you just need to discuss things in advance and ask all the right questions before making a commitment.

Questions to Ask Before Moving in With a Roommate

When moving in with a roommate you don’t know, you need to make sure the person you intend to share your living space with is a good fit – you need to find out as much about their character, personality, lifestyle, and preferences as possible.

The easiest way to achieve this is to interview potential roommates and simply ask them what you want to know.

So, what to ask before moving in with a roommate? Here are some insightful questions for potential roommates that can help you figure out what kind of person you’re dealing with and whether they’re the right match for you:

1. Is this your first time living with a roommate? Are you friends with your previous roommates? Have you ever had issues paying the rent? What frustrated you in your previous living situation? What challenges did you face?
2. How long do you plan to stay?
3. Where do you work? Is it a full-time job or a part-time job? Is it a temporary job or a permanent position? Do you work from home?
4. How are we going to split the rent and bills? How do you plan to pay your share?
5. What is your typical daily schedule? What time do you need to get up? How long your workday is? What are your morning and night routines?
6. How often do you clean? How are we going to split chores?
7. How do you plan to use common areas? How often do you cook at home? How often do you watch TV? How do you relax after a tiring and stressful day? What kind of music do you like? How loud do you listen to it?
8. How do you feel about sharing things? What about groceries, in particular?
9. What temperature do you like to set the thermostat on?
10. Do you smoke? What about alcohol? Drugs?
11. Do you have a pet? How do you feel about pets in the apartment?

12. Do you have any allergies I should know about?
13. What are your hobbies and interests?
14. What do you like to do on weekends?
15. Do you have people over often? What kind of parties do you like?
16. How do you feel about overnight guests?
17. Are you dating anyone?
18. How often do you travel?
19. What are you looking for in a roommate?
20. How do you prefer to handle conflicts?
21. What are your deal-breakers?
22. Is there anything else I need to know?

Knowing what questions to ask a potential roommate can save you a lot of trouble and headaches – the answers will allow you to determine whether your lifestyles are likely to match or clash, so you know if you’ve found the right roomie for you or not.

Once you make your final decision, spend some time with your new roommate – go out for drinks, take walks in the park, have meals together, view apartments (unless you’ve already rented a property, of course), etc. You will get to know each other better and will be able to discuss the details of your future life together.

Plan the Logistics of Moving in With a Roommate

The last thing to do before moving in with a roommate is to work out the details of the actual relocation – what household items you will bring to your shared home, how you will organize the move, what furnishings and decorations you need to buy for your new place, etc.

The efficient moving in with roommates checklist below will guide you through the entire process and will help make your relocation easier and smoother:

• Check what’s available in your new apartment and decide what else you’re going to need;
• Inventory your belongings, compare your inventory list with your roommate’s, and decide what each of you will bring to your shared apartment. Make sure the items you’re going to take to your new place are in good condition and fit in the available space;
• Decide what to do with the items you’re not taking with you – get rid of damaged and worn-out items, sell or donate unneeded items in good condition, ask your parents to keep your treasured belongings that you can’t take to your shared apartment for you until you settle down permanently, etc.;
• Pack the items you’re moving to your new home in a safe and efficient manner (See also: Fundamental packing rules for moving);

• Organize your move:
  • Whether you’re moving across town or across the country, if you’re moving without furniture and other larger household items, your relocation will be quite simple and easy – all you need to do is pack your car with your personal items (or ask your parents or a friend to transport your belongings to your new address if you don’t have a car) and head off to your new life;
  • If you’re moving within your current city, you can either perform a DIY-move or hire local movers to do the job for you. In the first case scenario, you need to rent a moving van for the day of your move (or borrow a pickup truck) and ask several friends to help you with the heavy lifting. If you prefer professional moving help, you need to research the local moving companies in your area, choose cheap and trustworthy moving professionals to work with, and book their services at least a month in advance of your move date. It’s a good idea that you and your roommate use the same moving company to move your belongings to your new place;
  • If you’re moving to another city or state, professional long-distance movers are your best bet – the experts will ensure your smooth and stress-free relocation and will be able to coordinate your move with your roommate’s (in case you’re both moving from the same city – or along the same moving route). Just make sure you find experienced, reliable, and affordable movers to help you relocate and book their services well ahead of time;
• Go shopping together with your new roommate and get the things you need for your shared home. Choose items you both like and decide how you’re going to split the costs (avoid buying furniture and other larger household items together – pay for some of the items and let your roomie pay for others (make sure the final sums are roughly the same), so each of you can take the things you bought when the time comes to move out of your shared rental property);
• Arrange and decorate your new place together with your roomie and make it feel like home to both of you.

Of course, you can never know whether you’ll get along with a stranger until you start actually living with them. Yet, when you know what to consider before making a commitment, what to ask potential roommates, how to organize the actual relocation, and how to properly prepare for living with a roommate, our chances for a positive experience increase exponentially – and the above moving in with a roommate tips will help you with that. All the best in your new life with your new roommate!